i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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