I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
