either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
