i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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