College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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