Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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