Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
