Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
