I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
