wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
