I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
