i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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