Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
