ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
