In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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