I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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