So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
