I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
