So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
we should paint friendship bongs
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