I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
