I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
