Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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