either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
