I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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