yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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