where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
