he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
