We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
bring money and cleavage
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
