I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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