I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
