i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
