No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
