eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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