Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
