one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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