I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
