"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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