I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
