Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
