You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
