I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
