So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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