I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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