i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
