the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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