If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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