apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She told me I should be a condom model.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
