Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
