i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
