I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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