I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
