I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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