did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
