Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
