god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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