dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
